


greetings, chosen

by eynn



Series: had a dream, you and me in the war of the end times [1]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Obi-Wan Kenobi, Demisexual Anakin Skywalker, Demisexual Character, Gen, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Nobody Dies, Post-Order 66, Time Travel Fix-It, anakin would be so confused, it also came from the idea of, uh this came from the honestly terrible dialogue and communication skills in the movies, what if obi-wan just had hysterics instead of fighting anakin on mustafar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:34:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23452534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eynn/pseuds/eynn
Summary: “Let her go, Anakin!” Obi-Wan shouts as he watches Padmé struggle to breathe.“What have you and she been up to?”What, Obi-Wan thinks. Surely he knows I’m not even into women. “Let her go!”
Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: had a dream, you and me in the war of the end times [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713040
Comments: 68
Kudos: 1812
Collections: All Time Travel All the time, Coming Up Aces, Favorite Rereads





	greetings, chosen

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Ну здравствуй, Избранный](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27282379) by [Averin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Averin/pseuds/Averin)



“Let her go, Anakin!” Obi-Wan shouts as he watches Padmé struggle to breathe.

“What have you and she been up to?”

 _What_ , Obi-Wan thinks. _Surely he knows I’m not even into women_. “Let her go!”

Anakin finally releases Padmé, after she’s choked into unconsciousness, which is not an optimal situation for someone who’s nine months pregnant. Obi-Wan tries to remember if Anakin had ever paid attention to the sex ed classes as a padawan. He certainly thought that ‘don’t Force-choke, normal-choke, or otherwise assault a pregnant person because it will hurt their unborn child’ would have been covered.

Maybe it had been in the ‘misuse of your powers’ parts of the classes?

. . . Anakin did realize that most babies didn’t come out of cloning tubes, didn’t he?

He tries to cushion Padmé’s landing and hopes she’s all right. There’s no time to check on her now. Anakin has apparently gone insane and the clones have turned on them and all the Jedi except him and Yoda are dead, which is almost a fate worse than death, being stuck as the last survivor of anything with someone who thinks swamp soup and raw frogs is the epitome of cuisine and hasn’t updated his grammar in about five hundred years and is also sort of your great-grandfather, or would be if Jedi had normal family structure, and the Senate has been dissolved and replaced by an Empire instead of a Republic and the Emperor is a possibly insane old man who’s been playing both sides of the war millions of people have just recently died in like it was a game of novelty chess and he is also a Sith Lord which everyone thought was impossible right up until he killed them all and –

 _I haven’t slept through the night in four years and all my friends are dead_ , Obi-Wan thinks dully.

He realizes that Anakin had been screaming something at him again in his best ‘you’re not my dad’ voice.

“Sorry, could you repeat that?” he asks.

Anakin glares at him. “You _turned_ her _against_ me! You _will not_ take her from me!”

Then he dramatically flings off his cloak.

Obi-Wan tries to be impressed, he really does, but this is all _so. kriffing. stupid._

“What would I do with her?” he shouts back. Or he tries to shout, because shouting is dignified and befits a Jedi Master. Screaming isn’t dignified.

An impartial observer would note that there was not much difference in tone between the two screaming men.

“Have sex!” There’s a crazed gleam in Anakin’s eyes.

Obi-Wan runs a hand over his beard and stares into those vacant yellow eyes. He’d honestly tried to do his best by Anakin. He’d believed in him, even come to (secretly and guiltily) love the little brat of a brother that he hadn’t wanted to raise and somehow got tricked into raising. He knew that Anakin was fairly and relatively intelligent.

He’d never realized that his former padawan was so unobservant.

“How?” he almost wails. “She’s nine months pregnant! Is that even safe?”

“What?”

“Well, how would I know? I’m asexual and I’m also only romantically attracted to men! And like one woman, ever. People I already know and who aren’t creepily much younger than me! Friends! In fact, only ever two – Anyway! Why would I want to have sex with Padmé, of all people? She’s my kid sister!”

He could almost see the point sailing over Anakin’s head to die a sad fiery death in the inferno behind him. Because he thought that on the edge of a lava river was a great place to have a fight with his pregnant wife.

“What’s an asexual?”

Obi-Wan hasn’t slept in a week, never mind not sleeping a whole night for years. He’s running on adrenaline, terror, and insane amounts of caffeine.

He makes finger guns at Anakin. “Me!”

“I thought you said you were gay!”

“I’m biromantic!”

He watches Anakin mouth the word.

“But I don’t ever want to have sex with anyone! Not that it’s your business at all, Anakin. I could have sworn you knew this already anyway.”

“But you’re a Jedi! Jedi can’t have relationships!”

“Have you looked at Kit’s abs lately?”

“What?”

“Does Windu look single to you? Aayla? Luminara? Me and Yoda are pretty much the only ones not in a relationship. You learned all this in your sex ed class, Anakin!”

Anakin looks guilty for a second. “I – uh – I never actually went to those,” he admits. “They looked gross so I mind-tricked the teacher and went out to the pod races instead.”

Obi-Wan wants to scream. Then he realizes that the last Jedi living apart from him is Yoda and he doesn’t give a single fuck about what Yoda thinks anymore.

Oh.

They’re all dead. Kit, Mace, Aayla, Luminara. Shaak, Quinlan, Agen, Ki-Adi, Plo.

Satine. Ahsoka. Qui-Gon. Maybe Padmé, now.

Cody.

He briefly considers that if he starts screaming now he’ll never stop, and then decides he doesn’t care.

It’s pretty comfortable down on the nice warm rocks, he decides. It’s a little hard to breathe, but he’s always thought it looked hard to breathe when other people were having hysterics. It’s nice to experience it himself, to know what it feels like. Turns out it mostly feels like doing on the outside what he’s been doing on the inside for about thirty years.

Maybe Padmé is all right after all taking a nap on the nice warm rocks. It’s got to be more comfortable than all the walking they did to get here.

“Master?”

Anakin is gingerly poking him in the shoulder. He’s dropped to his knees beside him and his hands are fluttering uncertainly. His eyes are wide and panicked and the yellow is receding back into blue.

Obi-Wan giggles hysterically. Maybe there’s some kind of fumes in the air. “Panakin,” he manages to gasp. It’s the funniest thing he’s thought of in years and he can’t believe he didn’t think of it before.

“Yes?”

That makes Obi-Wan laugh even harder.

Anakin pulls his knees up to his chest and begins to sob. “Oh shit, oh shit, I’ve broken him,” he says jerkily. “I’ve broken him, the Council is going to kill me – oh. Oh no. I – “

He wrenches his lightsaber off his belt and throws it as hard as he can. It lands in the lava and disappears with a hiss and a crackle.

“I killed them all,” he screams, very dramatically. In the back of his mind, Obi-Wan’s inner theater critic holds up a 10/10 scorecard.

“And I broke Obi-Wan,” Anakin laments. He tries to very snottily wipe his nose on his sleeve and only smears it around a little. Obi-Wan wants to protest, he knows he taught him better than that, but his body is still having hysterics and is using all the air for breathing at the moment.

That’s fine. It’s wanted to have them for years now and Anakin can just wash his robe later.

Oh, gross. Anakin is touching him.

He’s grabbing him under the arms and dragging him over by Padmé and putting him down next to her. That confuses Obi-Wan. Wasn’t Anakin just screaming at him to stay away from Padmé?

Then Anakin curls up in between them, his back serving as a rest for Padmé’s arm and his face tucked into Obi-Wan’s neck, which is kind of nasty. He continues to sob.

Obi-Wan considers telling him to fuck off, but Anakin looks so very unhappy he can’t bring himself to do it. And if he could stand having small child Anakin throw up on him when he got that awful fever that one time, he can stand some very damp sniffles on his beard from confusing adult Anakin.

 _Baby brothers are the worst,_ he thinks, and then the lack of air and the general exhaustion now that he is lying down get to him, and everything just fades away.

When it fades back in it’s not much better. The ground is hard and cold, not hard and warm, and Cody and Rex and far too many of the medics are lifting and poking and asking questions.

Obi-Wan grumbles slightly as Anakin, who is nice and warm, is peeled off his back and placed on his own stretcher. The smell of ozone and blaster fire hangs in the air and the city around them looks half-destroyed. Ahsoka is panicking, fluttering between his stretcher and Anakin’s.

The medic clones look comically confused by Padmé.

Wait.

Clones? _Ahsoka?_

Obi-Wan looks around properly for the first time. He knows this place. It’s Christophsis.

Ahsoka has her padawan beads draped over her montrals. She’s so small.

Cody looks so much younger.

Obi-Wan lets his head thump back on the stretcher.

“Anakin,” he grumbles, though it comes out barely intelligible. Every muscle in his body aches. “Why do you always have to do this dumbass Chosen One shit.”

“Wanted to fix it,” Anakin responds. He turns his head and gives Obi-Wan a dopey grin. “I did! We can do it all again, better.”

All again.

Obi-Wan sighs and doesn’t even fight it when the medics put him to sleep. He’s got to relive years of life his over again, and he didn’t even get a new, younger, body to do it in.

How am I going to explain this to the Council? he wonders, and then realizes that he’s going to have a wonderful time telling them exactly where they went wrong. In detail. With illustrations.

He’s changed his mind. Baby brothers are the best.

This is going to be amazing.

**Author's Note:**

> so as of today (4/21/2020) this is now a series. it's probably going to update a lot slower than 'i can't go back and lose it all', but it's still rolling around in my brain, don't worry. i don't plan on leaving it hanging :)


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